Schooldays and other days
Water towers and octopuses
All to be seen on the Death Road!
A lot of 'S' & and few 'T'
Hard Men and Gangs, Frankie and knives ...
... it was all happening
Thank goodness for Superman, Batman and other comics!


Quite a few Eastirhoose folk 'emmagreatit' tae Aussieland, eh States an Canada durin the 60s, so you folk ower ther might be wan eh thim, urr ye might be researchin rellies thit came fae Eastirhoose urr wan eh the ither hoosin schemes.
So hopefully mahsell, an enibiddy else thit kerrs tae chip in, uh'll shed a wee bit a light oan the greatest of aw the Glesca 'hoosin schemes'.

Right, back tae Eastirhoose.


The Skale Bus

"Schooldays urr eh happiest days eh yir life." Aye right! Folk thit say that need professional help in mah appinyin (opinion).

The stert eh the school term efter summer hoalidays is aye a traumatic time in the life eh a kid. Och ah know thirs wans thit look furrit tae it; the swotts, the teacher, the teachir's pets, the eejits, the perrints. Bit furr maist eh is, it wis a time a mournin an tryin tae hink eh the kinna illnesses thit urrnae life threatnin, bit bad enough tae keep ye aff school, bit no bad enough tae stoap ye gettin oot tae play an enjoy yersel. Sadly, such illnesses wurr hard tae come bae. It wis made wurse in eh late summer eh '58 when, hinkin wae hid cracked it cos thir wurrnae any schools tae go tae in Eastirhoose, wae wurr telt thit transport wid bae provided tae take us aw tae schools within the central Glesca area. Furr me that meant Riddrie Primary. That wis nearly aw the wae back tae the Garngad!

So, that Monday moarnin perrints an weans aw trooped doon tae the arranged rendevous point in Duntarvie Road, wher buses wurr sposed tae be waitin furr iz. They wurr!

Noo let's get sumhin straight here, especially furr oor Americin readers who hiv a very well defined idea aboot whit is meant bae a 'school bus'. Ye know eh wans ah mean? They big yella hings, built lik tanks, specially designed an reinforced wae wean's welfare an security in mine; even doon tae designin the back end so that if a caur runs intae it, it 'submarines' unnerneath so protecting the kids at eh rear eh the bus (albeit at the expense eh the car occupants). An if a bus is offloadin kids, aw the traffic hiz tae stoap roon aboot it! In America thae take thir schoolkids safety seriously.

That moarnin, aw alang the whole stretch of Duntarvie Rd wurr a convoy of dozens a buses. These wurnae the normal commercial buses that wurr operated bae the nationalised companies (Eastern Scottish; Western; Glasgow Corporation; Alexanders an the like). Naw, these wurr the biggest collection ah ramshackle vehicles yiv ever seen in yir life. If yiv ever seen any eh thae films showin auld beat up buses kerryin folk an livestock acroass the Andes, ye might stert tae get an idea aboot whit ah'm talkin aboot here. Nane eh yir big yella Americin joabs furr us. These wurr the result eh the authorities pittin oot tenders tae anybiddy that hid an auld bus [even if it wis doublin as a hen hoose in thir gerden urr awaitin restoration in thir gerrij (garage)] an acceptin the lowest bids. They wurr aw shapes n' sizes. Some hid auld writin oan thim thit didnae look lik english! Blue an black smoke belched fae exhausts. Engines spluttirt an died, only tae bae cranked up again bae guys thit ye widnae let drive yir muther in law roon the bend. Anxious perrints wae an education board letter in wan haun an weans in the ither wurr walkin up an doon the convoy lookin furr the bus designatit oan eh letter.
'Is this Riddrie Two?'
'Naw missus, issiz Eastbank Wan. Try that cream n'orange bus doon ther'.
Hunners ah weans aw millin aboot, kickin tyres, shakin thir heids an mutterin tae thir perrints that if thae allowed this tae happin thae'd bae sendin thir kids tae certain death an it wid haunt thim furr the rest eh thir lives. But the perrints wurnae listnin. Efter a summer eh us kids oan hoaliday thae jist wantitt rid eh iz an some peace an quiet. Eventually, an efter a few scuffles durin which some runaway kids wurr rounditt up, aw us weans fun oorsells inside a bus; lassies doonsterrs, boays upsterrs. Aht furst, us lads thoat that meant thit wae could smoke, bit wae wirr soon pit right oan aht wan!
Riddrie Two wis wan eh three buses aw destined fur Riddrie School. They wirr doubledeckers, green, auld, an wrecked. Each bus hid sumdy oan board 'tae look efter iz.' This poor sowel, wisnae a teacher, urr a conductir, urr a perrint... in fact noo ah come tae hink aboot it, ah don't know whit thae wurr. Ah hink they must've goat thim aff the dole urr sumhin. Either that urr thae wurr bein blackmailed tae dae the joab cos, believe meh, it wisnae a joab furr eh faintheartit. Maist eh thir time wis spent at eh boatim eh the sterrs, oan eh open back platform, shoutin up tae the rabble above;
'Right ah'm no tellin yis again up err. Stoap eh kerry oan urr ah'll stoap eh bus!'
From up above - Rabble! Rabble! Rabble! Scream! Rabble! Rabble!
'Aht's it! If ye don't behave yersells up ther ah'm gonnae ring eh bell an stoap eh bus right noo!'
From above - Louder Rabble!
'Look! Ah'm no gonnae warn yiz again. Ah'm gonnae ring eh bell!'
Merr Rabble.
'Right! Ah'm ringin eh bell. Yeez hiv aw asked furr it!'
Rabble continues unabated.
The hing wis, the bell hid been disconectitt - bae the driver! Thir wis nae wae he wis gonnae stoap this bus wance eh wis underwae. Eh pit the earplugs in eez ears, pit eez fit tae the flerr an made lik the hammers furr Riddrie, closely foalied bae the ither two buses.

An so the 'convoy' snaked it's wae oot ah Duntarvie Road aht moarnin. Aw it needed wiz Ward Bond up eh front oan eez hoarse shoutin 'Wagons Ho!' Weans wurr greetin an sobbin urr, in eh case eh us upsterrs in Riddrie Two, shoutin an bawlin, while aw the perrints waved an cheered. Oot oantae Aberdalgie Road an up oan tae the main Eastirhoose Rd. The convoy stertit tae brek up (in some cases literally) as groups a buses went thir sepprit waes. Oor three Riddrie buses foalied the road ower Provanhall, oot past the quarry through Garthamlock an up, past eh big watter tooirs (towers) [sumbdy telt meh thir wirr octupuses in eh tooirs, an ah believed it furr years!], intae Ruchazie. Things settled doon bae this time. The minder hid either gied up shoutin urr dived aff the bus intae the quarry - who kerred! Songs stertit tae bae sung. 'Ye cannae shuv yer granny aff a bus' wis ayewaes a firm favourite'. Volunteer grannies wurr eagerly sought bit nane came furrit. Thir wurr uthir songs. Wan that ah still remember went (sorry ah cannae let ye hear the tune);

'Riddrie Three is a bunion,
a face like a pickled onion.
A nose like squashed tamatta,
Two eyes like green peas.'

Meantime, Riddrie Three wid bae singin eh same song aboot oor bus as it passed us oan a blind bend! Aw the weans itt eh windaes, makin faces an rude signs itt wan inuthir.

Oan eh stretch between Ruchazie an Riddrie thir wis a long fairly straight but bumpy bit eh road thit passed alangside the Hogganfield golf course. Occasionally, golf baws wid skite aff the windaes eh the bus as wae past. Ah'm sure thir wurr folk oan aht golf course oot tae get us (probbly Riddrie schoolteachers). At some point in eh past thir hid bin a bad accident oan this stretch a road an we kids wurr quick tae fit this intae oor reportoire a songs. Bouncin up an doon oan eh seats we'd sing;
'This is the Death Road, the Death Road, the Death Road,
This is the Death Road, the Death Road, The Death Road.
This is the Dea...'

It wid go oan an oan lik that tae it kinna fizzled oot, cos wae couldnae hink a any mer wurds. It wid end up wae wan pathetic eejit singin it oan eez ain at eh back eh the bus an getting rewarded wae schoolbags, jaikits an empty ginger boatles bein chucked eh't im.
Through the traffic lights at eh Golfer's Rest Cafe (now gone) an doon the Cumbernauld Road intae Riddrie. The buses wid turn intae tree lined Leader Street an up eh hill tae the school. The branches eh the trees wid clatter aff the roof an windaes as wae made wurr wae up tae the deid end at eh tap, an eh school gates.
Everybiddy wis jumpin aboot noo luckin furr schoolbags thit hid bin loast unner seats, jaikits thit hid been flung aboot oan the treacherous 'Death Road'croassin, an chewin gum thit hid goat stuck tae a seat frame - bit which wan?
'Whers mah gum? Anybiddy seen mah gum ah left oan this seat?'
'Is iss it stuck tae eh backside ah mah troosers?'
'Aye aht's it! Geez it back!'
'Heh aht's mah jaikit yiv goat!'
'Aw naw evryhins fell oot mah schoolbag!'
'Don't staun oan aht hat, ther's sumdy unner it!'
'Ah bags (claim) eh windae seat oan eh wae back!'
Absolute pandemonium.
As the teachers watched, an no doubt heard, oor arrival ah'm sure they wished they hid jined the army urr some ither 'safer' profession.

The school bus journeys continued furr aboot 2-3 years while schools wurr built at strategic locations throughoot Eastirhoose. Oor three green buses, Riddrie's Wan, Two an Three, despite oor initial reservations, held igithir an served us well. Through aw kinds a weather, accidents an diversions.

Wae fun oorsells at the end eh a summer hoaliday in eh early 60s, walkin through the gates eh Blairtummock, a modern primary school. Aw bright an concretey. Nae bus journey, nae singin. Nae granny tae shuv aff. Things wurr chinjin in Eastirhoose. An it wisnae aw furr the good!

Right, time tae chinje eh ribbon oan this typewriter an finish aff the Ss!


The Patter : Among the Ss

dodge work
"Eh wis sposed tae bae paintin eh loaby bit wae fun im skivin roon next door wae eez pals." "He was supposed to be painting the hallway. Instead, we found him lazing around, next door, with his friends."

"Eez bin getting a terrible slaggin since eez team loast aht eh weeken." "Everyone has been vocally insulting to him since his football time lost on the previous weekend."

gulp from a bottle or can
"Eh took a slug ah 'Irn Bru' an choked." "I took a quick mouthful of 'Our Other National Drink', and, in my haste, nearly choked!"

rinse with copious amounts of water
"Eh coalman drapped a bag a coal oan eh sterr. Whit a mess it made. Ah hid tae slunge it doon." "The coalman accidentally dropped a bag of coal on the stairs. What a mess it made! I had to wash it all away with lots of water."

"Eh wean wiz sookin a big lolly." "The child was sucking a large lollipop."
seek favour with somebody by feigning friendship or agreement
"Err she goes again, sookin up tae eh boss. She'll get aht promotion yit,wait an see!" "There she goes again, fawning after the manager. I am certain that she will win a promotion. Just you wait and see!"

south side of Glasgow
A person coming from the nether regions of the southside can be referred to as a "Soosider" "South Sider"

an unfortunate individual
"Aw look itt aht poor sowel, eez drapped eez kerry oot." "Oh, look at that unfortunate individual. He has just dropped the bag containing all of his supply of alcoholic beverages."

squerr sausage
square sausage
Square sausage. This is sausage meat, also known as 'Lorne' sausage, of a rough consistency, cut into thick squares. It's unknown outside Scotland [same as plain breid] but taken for granted here. Go into any Scottish grocer an ask for 'A punna sqerr slice an a plain loaf' and you will get square slice sausage and a thick sliced white loaf of bread with a dark crust wrapped in a waxy wrapper [possibly a 'Mother's Pride'].
Ask for the same thing in England an yer oan a hidin tae nuthin! It jist disnae exist doon ther. When visiting Scottish rellies in England it's customary tae go doon wae a suitcase full of sqerr sausage, black puddin an a few plain loafs. [oh, an tattie scones, ah nearly furgoat eh tattie scones!] Beware! If yer flyin doon, it kin coz aw soarts a problems itt errport security!

heavy cast iron drain cover
A drain cover that ye see in Glesca streets. Sometimes thae dae stink, bit only rerrly. Usually they jist lie ther. Sometimes they staun proud eh the surface an ye hiv tae watch ye don't trip ower thim. Some stanks hiv embossed patterns oan thim urr wee holes an thae used tae bae great furr playin jorries [cannae mine the rules noo]. The wans wae big holes urr slats wurr nae good furr jorries cos the jorries wid faw doon intae eh sewers. Other folk caw stanks - 'manhole covers'. Some wimmin hiv takin exception tae this an petitioned furr thim tae bae cawed 'wimminhole' covers but, since it's difficult tae assess the gender eh a particular stank, 'personhole' covers wirr thir nixt choice. Bit nane eh aht hiz caught oan in Glesca. A stank's a stank furr aw aht!
Noo ther ye urr, evryhin ye wanted tae know aboot Glesca stanks bit wurr feart tae ask.


"Eh wiz jist stood staunin ther lik a glaikit eejit!" "He just stood there like a total idiot!"

The landing at the top of each flight of stairs in a tennement
"Oor Jimmy's jist phoned fae eh pub. Eh soons miroculous! Ah better staun oan eh sterrheid an guide im in!" "Our James just phoned from the pub. He sounds totally intoxicated. I had better stand on the landing and guide him in!"


one level short of total drunkeness
Wan level shoart ah miroculous!

wash-house, laundry
Before eh days a washing machines an laundrettes thir wis...the Steamie. This is where local wimmin wid go wae thir laundry. [For those of us in Scotland, there is a play, called 'The Steamie'. It's been made into a TV play and is usually shown here around New Year time. It involves the conversations of a handful of '50s Glasgow women on Hogmanay night as they rush to get their laundry done before 'the bells'. It provides an excellent example of authentic Glasgow patter, society, dialect and the workings of a steamie. Unfortunately it's also a musical.
It's available on video (DVD?). The 'mince n tatties' sketch is classic! I strongly recommend it, for educational purposes only you understand (please don't start the advertising issue again), if you want to hear how the Patter actually sounds.] Gossip is the order of the day in a steamie, hence the expression ...
"She wis eh talk eh the steamie!" "In the wash-house, she was the centre of scandalous rumour!"


stir it
cause trouble
"It wid've aw blawn ower bit he jist hid tae stir it up!" "The fuss would have died away of its own accord, be had just had to make matters worse!"

stoat, stoatin
Anither eh thae really versatile Glesca words wae numerous meanins ...
1. good, great
2. drunk
[amazin eh number a Glesca expressions furr bein drunk!]
3. bounce
4. a child who does something silly
5. wander around aimlessly
"Ah goat a lumber aht eh dance last night, she wis stoatin so she wis." "I met up with a date, last night. She is stunningly attractive."
"Eh kim in last night absolutely stoatin." "He came home last night in an intoxicated state."
"Thae weans keep stoatin eh baw aff eh wa'. It's daen mah heid in!" "Those children keep bouncing their ball of my wall. It is driving me to distraction!"
"Aw poor wee sowel, did ye faw aff yir bike? Who's a silly wee stoat?" "Oh, you poor dear. Did you fall off your bicycle? Who's a foolish boy?"
"Eh's no daen anyhin, eh's jist stoatin aboot!" "He is not doing anything. He is just staggering about."

a good one
"Eh tried tae pit eez erm roon hurr and she lamped im. Geid im a stoatir eh a bleck eye!" "He tried to put his arm around her. She objected and hit him. Gave him an enormous black eye!"

plaster cast

"Aw naw, ah've fugoat eh wife's burthday an hivnae sent hurr a cerd, ah'm in real stook noo!" "Oh no! I have forgotten my wife's birthday. I have not sent her a card. I am in real trouble now!"



Yep, you guessed it, another word for bein drunk!

idiot, fool

underground railway system
Americans caw it eh Underground. Londoners, the Tube. Glaswegians caw it eh Subway. In recent years it's bin known iz eh 'Clockwork Orange' cos the trains urr orange an go roon in a circle!
Noo here's a hing... Ye know the London Underground map? Wae it's stylised representation eh aw eh different routes innat. Aw thae coloured lines aw interwoven intae a pattern thit's recognised eh world ower. Ye see it aht eh back eh every diary. Well, Glasewgians wirr a bit pit oot aboot aht. Ye see oor 'undergrun' only hiz wan line; fifteen stations aht go roon in a circle! A few years ago thae decidit thae wantit a map lik London's [jealousy is a terrible hing!].
But how could thae hiv sumhin lik aht when thiv only goat wan train, oan wan line, gaun roon in circles? So,no tae be ootdun, they drew thir circle, then addit evry ither type a transport thae could hink a. Evry bus route, local train, rickshaw, donkey trail, rambler's right of way; anyhin thae could pit a coloured line tae! Noo Glesca displays an unnergrun map thit iz evry bit iz impressive iz London. Don't try an foaly it! Jist enjoy it as a work a art!!


swallow or go for a drink
"Dae ye fancy gaun doon eh pub furr a wee swally?" "Do you fancy going down to the pub for a drink?"

take a look
"Heh! Look at iss. Scoatlin's People urr offerin free credits oan St Andrew's Day!" "I say! Look at this! Scotland's People website are offering free credits for St. Andrew's Day!"
"Urr they? Geeza swatch itt aht!" "Are they, now! Let me have a look at their offer!"

sweetie wife
Somebody who's always gossiping - male or female

Okay, ah'm gonnae hiv tae get this computer back tae afore it's missed.
Wull get tae eh Ts nixt time.

Talk tae yiz then.


The Gangs

Scene: Glaswegian tourist visiting ruins of the Alamo.
American: 'I dont recognise your accent. Where are you from?'
Glaswegian: 'Eastirhoose'
American: [shaking his head] 'Sorry, I've never heard of it. What State's it in?'
Glaswegian: [looking around him] 'Much eh same state iz this!'
[Note: No offence intended to America's national monument]

Menshin Eastirhoose tae emmdy an watch thir reaction. Gangs, violence, lootin an pillagin, no safe tae sleep in yer bed at night! No safe tae walk eh streets in broad daylight nevir mine in eh dark!

'If ye saw a cat wae a tail - it hid tae be a tourist!' [courtesy of Billy Connolly].

Well it wisnae quite like aht!

'People always say Easterhouse was a bad place to live but I have good memories of my time there' [DG member comment]

Durin eh period ah wis 'servin mah time' at Blairtummock primary school, Eastirhoose wis chinjin. Eh fields wurr disappearin fast. In thir place wurr hooses an stull merr hooses. Schools, churches and basic shoaps hid bin established bae aht time. Thir wirr stull wee poackets a land, jist waste grun really, thit hid missed eh planners drawin pens [probbly thae'd spullt (spilled - pronounced as in cult) coffee urr sumhin oan aht bit eh the paper so thae jist drew roon aboot it]. But noo ye hid tae walk furr miles afore ye goat oot tae any fields. The place wis HUGE!

But thir stull wisnae any recreational stuff. Nae cinemas, cafes, sports centres, library, swimmin pool urr anyhin lik aht. Ther wisnae even a polis station.

We groups ah kids thit hid banded igither tae explore new territory in the early days, wurr well settilt in bae iss time. Wae wurr a bit aulder, streetwise, an bored. Ah wis wan eh thim. Wae still went aboot in oor groups - as kids dae. Wae became a bit territorial. New kids oan eh block, urr strangers fae ither areas, wurr looked oan wae suspicion. The wurd 'gang' hid emerged, but still in the context eh the 'Oor Wullie' type gang. Wae'd hiv great fun pittin igither a gang 'hideoot' in bushes urr some oot eh the wae 'secrit' place. Wae'd build guidies an hiv races. Wae'd make crude bows n' arras oot ah string an lengths a gerdin cane, urr crossbows fae a couple ah bits ah wid nailed igither an a strip ah rubber cut aff an auld inner tube [urr knicker elastic!]. Target practice against tin cans an boatles providit oors ah fun. Sometimes 'gangs' eh iz wid chase each ither, cau'n each ither names innat. Basically it wis aw hermless fun, jist boays - an lassies, growin up, hivin fun, in an environment thit didnae lend itsell tae 'aff eh shelf'entertainment.

When it stertit tae go soor (sour) ah cannae quite say. It wis a gradual process, an as a kid it bypassed meh much eh same wae as logarithms wid bypass meh a few years further oan. But a loat a perrints saw whit wis happnin. Thae could remember back tae the auld days a gangs in Glesca. The 'No Mean City' days. Eh days eh the 'Billy Boays' innat. Mah faithir wis wan eh the wans that saw it comin an goat meh bae eh scruff eh the neck.

'Yer no playin wae them any merr!' a mine im sayin. 'Ther uptae nae good. If ah catch ye playin wae em again yir in big trouble'.

An eh kept eez wurd. Minny's the row wae hid an skite acroass eh lug ah goat tae ah finally stertit tae gie certain folk a wide berth. Insteed, ah fun masell, lik a loat ah ithers, bein jined up intae eh Boay's Brigade. Lookin back oan it noo it wis eh best hing. Ye goat tae dae stuff ye couldnae dae oan eh street. Thae organised aw soarts a stuff. Ah learned tae swim in eh BB. A goat interestit in first-aid in eh BB, an that wis tae provide eh seed tae mah future career - an beyond. Ah didnae like aw the church stuff an Sunday parades though!

The Gang thing, fae mah perpective, wis lik 'backgrun noise'. Ah knew it wis ther, an ah saw the graffiti appearin oan wa's, bit it nivir affectit meh tae any great extent. Bae eh time ah wis at secindry (secondary) school ah knew nearly evry street, close an back coort in Eastirhoose, an travilt freely through thim. Ah knew a loat eh the gang folk an seldom hid any bother fae thim. Ah developed a keen sense a danger thit hiz stied wae mae aw mah life. It's true whit thae say aboot findin trouble if ye go lookin furr it! Ah used tae swoap coamics (swap comics). [Anither hing wis - diz anybiddy remember 'Whacky Placks' an 'Mars Attacks' bubblegum cerds?] In thae days lassies played wae 'scraps' [wee glossy cut oot pictures a 'girlie' hings (fairies an flooers an stuff). Thae wid sit igither oan eh sterrs an admire, swoap, urr dae whitevir it wis thae done wae thim.] But boay's hid coamics. Ah'm no talkin aboot eh Dandy an Beano. Eh wans ah mean wurr eh Americin coamics. Marvel, DC an Dell. Super Heroes lik Superman, Spiderman, Fantastic Four an eh rest wurr aw the rage. But it could bae difficult tae get yer hauns oan these imported coamics and they wurr eagerly collected an swoapped. Boays (an some faithirs) wurr ayewaes lookin furr missin wans in eh series tae fine oot whit happened tae thir heroes, an catch up oan eh latest, urr missed, episodes. Mah coamic swoappin wid take meh aw ower eh scheme, up closes, intae folk's hooses, often right intae the areas considert tae be the 'worst'. The hing wis, ah fun mahsell negotiatin wae some eh the toughest guys in Eastirhoose ower whether tae swoap three auld editions eh 'Superman' furr wan copy eh the bran new 'Batman' story! Ah could walk doon eh 'toughest' streets wae mah big bunnle a coamics, an hiv guys shoutin doon tae meh, fae upsterr windaes, tae haud oan while they kim doon tae see whit a hid tae offer. Soon a wee crowd wid form roon meh, aw wae bunnles a coamics makin deals an swoappin awae goodstyle! Some eh eez same guys might be getting intae trouble wae eh polis later aht night.

Wan ah mah foandest memrys eh mah faithir wis eh time ah wis away wae eh BB wan weekend, an some wee tough guys came tae oor door. Mah Da answered wae eh chain oan [as ye dae] an asked whit thae wantit.
'Is eh guy aht swoaps eh coamics in?' thae asked ma Da.
'Any idea when eh might be in?'
'Naw! Whit's it aboot?'
'Wae jist want tae swoap coamics wae im.'
At iss point bunnles a coamics wurr produced as evidence
'Haud oan.' An mah faither went intae mah bedroom an gethirt aw mah coamics igither.
As mah mammy telt it;
'Ther wis yir faithir oot oan eh landin furr eh nixt hauf oor, wae aw these wee hardcases, swoppin comics; arguin an barginin wae thim!'
Thae went away thankin im an sayin thaed bae back again - an they did!
Efter aht, ah sometimes answert eh door an wis asked if mah faither wis in tae swop coamics!

But thir wis trouble, nae good denyin it. The nearist ah came wis wan dark night when ah wis comin hame fae mah pals. Ah took a shoart cut through the grounds a Blairtummock House. It wis a stupit thing tae dae, bit ah wis in hurry an ignored mah 'spider senses' warnin meh a danger. Hauf wae alang the woodland path aw these guys jumped oot fae behine eh bushes an surroondit meh. Ah'll tell ye, ah thoat a wis done furr! Then wan eh thim, the leader, stept furrit.

'Heh aht's Wullsin! He's awright, let im through.'

Ah recognised the guy fae school; still remember eez name, bit ah'll no menshun it here. Eh hid bin bullyin meh aht wan time, an wan day ah jist hid enough an lamped im! We baith goat takin tae the Head an beltit. Efter that eh left meh alain. Noo here eh wis. Ah goat oan mah wae sharpish. Ther's a lessin ther sumwher.'

Summdy wance said aboot Eastirhoose; 'Ye learnt tae either fight, run, make people laugh, urr threw bricks fae the back.' A few did fight, an thae drew maist eh the publicity. Some eh iz became good runners, A loat made people laugh [Hiv ye evir wunnirt aboot the number a professional comedians thit hiv come oot a Glesca?] An aw eh rest jist threw bricks fae eh back, tryin tae bae wan eh the boays an sumhin thae wurnae. Maist eh thim probbly hiv granweans noo an worry aboot thim getting intae trouble. At thir peak the Eastirhoose gangs wir nevir oot eh papers. Names lik The Toi, The BarL, The Tong, The Bundy (stood furr Boy's United Never Die Young. Unfortunately quite a few eh thim did!) It finally came tae an end in eh maist unexpectit wae.

The singer Frankie Vaughan wis booked tae play a series of concerts in Glesca. While eh wis ther eh wis disturbed bae whit eh wiz readin in eh papers aboot nearby Eastirhoose. Vaughan hid a tough upbringin in Liverpool an eh decidit tae try an dae sumhin tae help. Eh wisnae a 'pop star' as such; best known tae muthers an faithirs furr a song in eh 50s called 'Give Me the Moonlight.' Eh arranged through eh local papers an polis tae organise an armistice an tae meet wae the 'gangleaders' aht eh Provanmill Inn. Amid much skepticism, cynicism and criticism, eh managed tae get aw these young guys tae agree tae stoap fightin an haun in ther weapons. In return, eh offered tae pit up a substantial sum a money tae fund a youth centre in Eastirhoose. Tied intae that wis a commitment fae the cooncil tae match that figure. Eh also encouraged private donations - which wurr forthcomin.

Oan the appointit day, in a large area of waste grun in the centre eh the scheme, which in a few years wid become a shoapin mall, an unner eh watchfull eye ah Vaughan, polis, media, perrints, an agein autograph hunters, aw the major gangs chucked all manner ah knives an weapons intae a huge pile. Ah suspect a few muthers wurr therr chuckin auld breidknives intae eh pile as well - in eh hope a gettin a kiss aff Frankie! Ah wis ther, wae hundreds merr, as this went oan. Lik maist folk ah didnae think it wid last.

Bit ah wis wrang! The events eh that day set eh baw rollin an marked eh beginnin eh the end eh the gang era in Eastirhoose. Och, it didnae jist stoap owernight, but it fizzled oot as Vaughan, an ithers kept thir promise. A huge corrugatit buildin wis constructit in Cairnbrook Road, no faur fae wher wae aw stood that furst day back in '58 whin wae goat aff the removal lorry. Paintit right acroass the side eh the buildin wiz 'Easterhouse Project'. It's stull ther an goin strong tae this day, bit the gangs hiv gone.

Meanwhile; The faithers wurr still tryin tae fine eh pubs...

Hi ther!

Computer away furr major surgery. Typin this oan an auld Olivetti typewriter.
If ye look kerrfully, ye'll see eh blobs a correction fluid.
Nixt week, ah'll probbly hiv moved oan tae papyrus!


The Patter : T an aw that!


tackety boots
heavy working boots with metal studs in the soles
"Evryhin wiz quiet tae sumbiddy stertit clumin aboot in tackety boots." "Everything was quiet until somebody started clumping around in steel-shod boots!"

The "Tally Shoap" "Italian Shop" was synonymous with the best ice cream. Among the mix of immigrants to Glasgow in the late 19th early 20th centuries were large numbers of Italians. Many of these set up ice cream making businesses and gained high reputation in that field, especially on the coastal resorts. Names like 'Gizzy' and 'Ardini' were known to all. The latter is still going strong in the Scottish coastal town of Troon [I know that because I had a 'pokey hat' there last summer]. Nowadays there might be a problem with this word, given the PC hysteria that exists. But in Glasgow it's never been other than a term of endearment, a bit like 'Jock' to us Scots.

defeat or speed
"Ah reckon mah team'll tank your oan Seturday!" "I believe that my team will defeat your team on Saturday."

"Wae wurr late so wae hid tae tank it up eh road." "We were so late that we had to speed along the road."


Irate Glesa wifie (answerin eh phone) "Hullo! Wher urr ye?" "Hello! Where are you?"
Long suffering Glesca husband "Inna pub!" "In the pub!"
Irate Glesca wifie "Dae ye know whit time it is? Yer tea's oan eh table!" "Do you know what time it is? Your dinner is on the table!"
Long sufferin Glesca husband "Ah'll get hame sumtime!" "I'll be home soon!"
Irate Glesca Wifie "Well, whin ye get hame ye'll fine yir tea in eh cat!" "Well! When you get home, you will find your dinner inside the cat!"

a good time
"It wiz a rerr terr!" "It was a great party!"

A word used a lot in Glesca! During a downpour of heavy rain it's said to be "teemin doon." "pouring down."

"Ah telt ye no tae buy anyhin fae the Barras, did ah no tell ye? If ah've telt ye wance ah've telt ye a hunner times. Ah mean ah ask ye, whit urr wae gonnae dae wae a record player thit only plays 78s? An thersno even a plug oan it! Ah telt ye so ah did!" "I told you innumerable times, not to buy anything from the Barrows! What on earth can we do with a record player that can only play 78 rpm records? It isn't even fitted with a mains plug!"

ten bob
ten shillings

Lowlander's term for a Highlander




thingmy, thingwy
nameless object
Great word, used to describe something or somebody you can't remember the name of.
"Heh Jimmy! ... Gonnae ask eh ...Thingmy, if ee'll gie meh a len eh eez eh ... thingwy?" "Excuse me - I don't know your name - but will you ask, er - I don't know his name either - to give me a loan of his, er - I'm unsure as to what I should call it?"
"Aye awright!" "Yes. OK."


"Sorry, ah thoat an auld '78' player wid be a good idea. Ah thoat it wid be a kinna investmint innat." "Sorry. I thought that an old 78 rpm record player would be a great idea. I believe it would make a good investment."
"Investmint? Well ye kin jist invest some time an climb up intae the attic an look oot aw the auld 78s. An see if ye kin fine aplug while yir it it!" "Investment? Well, you can invest some time by climbing up into the attic and look out the old 78 rpm records. Try to find a 13 amp plug while you are at it!"

Street game.

empty out
"Tim that stuff oot an ah'll make some fresh." "Tip out that tea and I'll brew a fresh pot."
Not to be confused with 'Tim', especially at an Auld Firm gemme!


tothir a baw
no bother
No trouble. 'No trouble at all' becomes 'nae trouble at aw' which becomes 'nae bother at aw' which finally ends up as 'nae tothir a baw.'


very small
"It wiz jist a wee toaty hing!" "It was just a little thing!"

"take a tummle." "fall down."
finally realise
"It took im a wee while bit eh finally tummilt tae the fact ..." "He eventually realised ..."

turnip or stupid person

Right. That's enough eh the S an Ts fur noo. An guess whit? Aul moonwatcher's headin doon tae Embra nixt week. Furst visit tae the NRH place! Dae ye hink thir ready furr meh in ther yit! Ah better behave masell urr ah'll get chucked oot! Ah'll let ye know how ah get oan.
First posted on SPDG 6 Jun 2004

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