You might not spot the join, but ...
I'm afraid Patter 9 is no more, it's deceased, gone, past tense, no longer of this world. I was careless when downloading to disk some time ago and unwittingly saved Patter 8 twice!
But! ... there is a place where it may be found. A place not of this world. A place none dare approach. A genealogical netherworld.
I refer to that forbidden place, who's name is spoken only in whispers. So, who dares approach the gates of of the late SPDG, and, like Frodo and Sam on the slopes of Mount Doom, do the deed and find the missing text?
Don't look at me! Ah'm too feart!


'Crivens. Jings. Help mah Boab!'

If ye read these words anywher (apart fae jist noo) it's a sure bet yer readin either Oor Wullie or the Broons. Wir intae Sunday Post territory here ye understaun, nane eh yer Sunday Times wae it's borin awl supplements an share prices an aw! Naw, wir talkin the Sunday Post 'Fun Section' wae Wee Eck, Fat Boab, PC Murdoch, Maw an Paw Broon, Granpaw, Maggie, Hen, Horace, Joe, the Bairn, the Twins and Daphnie. Did ah miss anybiddy importint?

Although a Dundee publication, Oor Wullie and the Broon (Brown) family were/are undoubtedly ensconsed on Glasgow. The Broons live in what must be a large tenement 'hoose' in Glebe St. Glebe St actually existed until the 1970s when, like many of the streets in the Towhhead/Royston (Garngad) area of the city, it disappeared under what is now the M8 motorway. So what about that 'crivens, help mah boab' stuff? The fact is that I dont recall it ever being part of the native vocabulary when I was a kid in that area. We used to say 'jings' occasionally but that too seems to have died out. Perhaps when the Broons and Co. first went to press, back in the 30s, those phrases were in use but, if so, it didn't survive except in the pages of the Sunday Post.
What HAS survived however are the characters and the buildings within the pages of the Sunday newspaper. Frozen in time (almost). Wullie is still the same wee boy that I knew in the 50s, hasn't aged a day!
The Broons still live in their Glebe St flat, totally unaffected by any motorway. Granpaw is still going strong and must now be around 140 years old, while the bairn still toddles about in her frilly dress and getting up to (and away with) mischief. The Broons and Oor Wullie - A Scottish Institution!

So why hiv ah stertitt aff wae the Broons when ah'm supposed tae be continuin wae the 'haitches'? Nae reason.


The Patter : Scratch eh H

(pronounced 'hawd')
Incidently, I was interested to see the phrase "Hauder Oan" "Holder On" appear in a post in the Occupations forum during the week. Just goes to show how a working knowledge of Glesca Patter can be helpful when deciphering those old certificates.

A place is said to be 'heevin' when there are a lot of people, crowded together.
"Ah tried tae get intae the pub tae watch the match oan the telly, but the place wis heevin." "I tried to enter the pub to watch the football match on the television, but, alas I could not. The place was far too busy!"

(pronounced 'heed')

keeping a football up in the air by bouncing it off your head
Oor Wullie would have called it "keepie-up" "headers" .
also a Headmaster may be referred to as "The Heidie" "The Headmaster" . During a football game one might hear;
"Eh heided the baw right intae the net." "He headed the ball straight in to the net."

"Ah'm gaun fur a herrcut." "I am going for a haircut."

If yiv ever played 'Tig, Chases or Hide n Seek' ye'll know whit this means. In 'Tig' for example, one person chases aw the rest wae the object of touching wan eh them. When that happens, the person touched becomes 'het'. That means that person now has to do the chasin. Did that make any sense?
Anyway, the most crucial part of the game as I recall was right at the very begining when it had to be decided who would be 'het' first. This was always acomplished by everyone lining up and holding out both hands made into fists. The leader of the pack/group/gang would stand in front and recite a wee rhyme whilst he/she (sometimes the girls were leaders!) tapped each fist in rotation in time with each word of the rhyme. On the last word of the rhyme, whoever's fist was tapped - they were 'het'. Everyone would run like the clappers and the game would begin.

"One potato, two potato
Three potato, four,
Five potato, six potato,
Seven potato, more,
You are Het!"

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe wiz another yin.

high heid yin
boss, top man



You're probably begining to realise that 'th' in Glaswegian is often replaced with 'H'.

infested, crammed full
True story coming up... As some of you may have gathered from previous ramblings, I used to work in the ambulance service in Glasgow. My mate and I once picked up an old drunk from an even older pub in Saltmarket (a haven of modest charm as we used to say.) He was non compis... compos... compus... (did we ever get tae the bottom of that word?) (Oops I said 'bottom', oh dear!) Anyway, we ferried our wee drunk up the High St to Glasgow Royal Infirmary Casualty (A&E) Department. There he was put into a nice wee cubicle in the middle of the department and we went for our tea. On our return pandemonium reigned! Staff and patients were being evacuated from the unit and a stern faced sister (bearing a strong resemblance to Hattie Jacques from the 'Carry On' films) took us aside and threatened us with enemas.
"Ye remember that drunk ye broat in?" "Do you remember that drunk that you brought in?"
"Aye!" "Yes!" we said in unison. "Is eh causin trouble like?" "Is he causing trouble?"
"Naw it's no him that's causin the trouble." "No! It isn't him that is causing the trouble." shouted the sister. "It's aw his friends! Eez hoachin!" "It is his friends. He is infested!"
For the next two hours the GRI A&E and our ambulance were out of bounds while both them and us were fumigated.
Ah kin think of even better examples of hoachin but ah'd only put yeez aff yer Sunday dinner!

"Eh won fifty quid oan a lottery tickit eh fun in the street - hoachy we sod that eh iz!" "He won fifty pounds on that lottery ticket that he found in the street. He is a very lucky person!"

stinking, smelly
The pub I mentioned earlier could be described as this.

wild weather
"It's blawin a hooley oot therr!" "The weather outside is blowing a gale!"

Tenement flats were never called flats. They were always "Hooses" "Houses"
"Ah've a nice wee hoose, wan up in Rosemount Street." "I have a very nice house in Rosemount Street."
Even the humble "single en" "single end" was always a HOUSE.

hoat pea special
hot peas and vinegar
Long gone now, but a Glasgow favourite in the 40s & 50s I believe.

how's it gaun
standard greeting

pull, dig out
As in "tattie howkers" "Potato pickers" or "Ah went tae the dentist an he howked mah tooth oot." "I went to the dentist, who extracted one of my teeth."

move bodily (usually off the premises)
"Start any of yer kerry oan Jimmy an ah'll huckle ye oot a here!" "If you start any trouble, you will be forcibly ejected from the premises!"



a ride, a lift
"Any chance eh a hurl doon the road?" "Is there any chance of a lift?"
"hudgie" "Illicit mode of carriage" where ye jump oan the back eh a truck or midden motor an get an illicit (and dangerous) ride doon the street.

"Heh Maw! He hut meh!" "Mother! He hit me!"
"Well, hit im back ya big jessie!" "Well! Hit him back, you big softy!"
"Heh Maw! He kicked meh!" "I say, mother! He kicked me!"
"Heh you, stoap hittin mah boay!" "Hey you! Stop hitting my son!"
"He hut meh furst!" "He assaulted me first!" SLAP!
"Eh hut meh again!" "He hit me again!"

An we'll jist leave them fightin tae next week.

Naw we'll separate thim amorra

First posted 29 February 2004


[Posh English voice] First, I'd like to welcome all new members of the forum who've either stumbled on to this post by accident or just crept in out of curiosity. So what's it all about? We'll, think of this as a wee corner of the forum where you can come in, relax, and have some fun. A break away from the frustration of sifting through endless BDMs and worrying how you're going to pay the bills after forking out all those 'sick squids'. And, who knows, perhaps you might even learn something without realising. If you read the original GP post from back in Sept last year I explain a bit more. One thing I ask; please leave your personal baggage at the door. We've had our ups and downs on GP, as you'll see if you look back. Swearing is a big no, no with the 'Powers that Be', as are asterisks in place of sweary words.
Apostrophies, poor spelling, bad grammar and being human, tend to offend some 'Would Be powers that Be' - be we just ignore them. So, welcome once again, sit doon, put yer feet up an listen tae the patter.

[Back tae mah Glesca voice noo] A Glesca wummin staunin at a bus terminus waitin fur the driver tae open the doors an let hur oan!
"Heh driver! Is this bus gaun tae Partick ?" "I say, driver! Is this bus going to Partick?"
"Naw, it's gaun back tae the garage hen." "No! It is going to the garage, my dear."
"But it says 'Partick' oan the sign at the front." "But it says 'Partick' on the sign at the front."
"Aye, an it says 'India' oan the tyres hen, but wir no gaun ther either!" "Yes. It also says 'India' on the tyres, my dear, but we are not going there either!"


The Patter : I'm fer an I

ice cream
A "pokey at" "ice cream cone" or a wafer. Ice cream shops, vans or carts were also referred to as "Iceys" "Sellers of ice cream" or the "Icey Man" "Seller of ice cream" .

"We went intae the shoap tae buy an Icey." "We went into the shop to purchase an ice cream."
A cry also heard by spectators during a fight
"Get intae eez heid." "Go for the vulnerable bits!"

is not
"Eh isnae in." "He appears not to be at home."

is he?


The Patter : No furgettin J

Two Glesca schoolkids in the playground
"Ah goat mah TB jag this effternin." "I received my TB innoculation this morning."
"Did ye? Wiz it soar?" "Did you. Was it sore?"
"Aye it wiz. The needle's aboot six inches lang an the doactir jist jabs it right intae yer erm!" "Yes, it was. The needle is approximately six inches long, and the doctor sticks it right into your arm."
"Aw naw, Ahm gettin mine ah morra." "Oh no! I am getting mine tomorrow."
"Ye'll be awright, jist look away when eez daein it." "You will be OK. Just look away when he does it."
"Aye, that's whit ah'll dae." "Yes! I will do just that."
"It's no the jag thit's the problem anywey." "It isn't the innoculation that is the problem."
"Is it no?" "Is it not?"
"Naw, it's the big scab thit comes up effter it!" "No. It is the enormous scab that forms afterwards!"
"Aw naw!" "Oh no!"

A person who may be in danger of losing their job may be described as ...
"See him, eez jaiket's oan a shakey nail." "That chap might well be dismissed from his job in the near future."

"Quick run, here comes the janny!" "Quick! Run! Here comes the Janitor!"

"Urr ye cummin doon eh the middins tae look furr jaurs?" "Are you coming down to the rubbish tip, in order to search for any glass jars?"
[Empty jars and bottles fetched a return price at the shops.]

See 'The Jeely Piece Song'

an exclamation
"Aw jeez-oh, whit's this?" "Oh my goodness! What is this?"

Not used so much nowadays. Another bit of the patter that's dying out.
"Ah'm gaun tae the jiggin eh night, ye cummin?" "I am going to the dancing tonight. Are you also coming?"

And on the subject of dancing, the all important first approach of the young suitor to the blushing maiden ...
"Urr ye dancin?" "Are you dancing?"
"Urr ye askin?" "Are you asking?"
"Ah'm askin." "I am asking."
"Ah'm dancin then." "Then, I am dancing."

"Eez jist oot the Bar-L." "He has just been released from Barlinnie Prison."
"Izzy?" "Is he?"
"Aye." "Yes."
"Whit wiz eh in eh jile furr?" "For what crime was he incarcerated?"
"Nuthin! Eh wiz fun wae a couple a kilo a crack in eh boot eh eez caur, bit it wiz furr personal use ye unnerstaun!" "He was innocent. He was found with a kilogram of crack cocaine in the boot of his car. It was only for personal use, you understand!"

the universal name given to someone whos name is unknown
"Aw Jimmy! When's the nixt train?" "You there! When is the next train?"
"Never! This is a Bus Station pal!" "Never! This is the Bus Station, my friend!"

"Ah've seen the adverts furr the Army. Ye get tae go ski-in an travel the wurld an stuff! Ah'm gonnae jine up a morra!" "I have seen the adverts for the Army. You get to go ski-ing, travel the world and other exciting things! I will enlist tomorrow!"


school notebook or getting the sack
"They caught im wae eez fingers in the till, so eh goat eez jotters." "He was discovered stealing cash from the till. Therefore, his employment was terminated."


inside your pullover or jacket
"Ah seen im cummin, an ah hid tae hide it, so ah stuffed it up mah jook." "I saw him coming, and needed to hide this item, so I hid it inside my pullover."

"Aw noo jist a wee minnit that's no ferr!" "I disagree with your unfair decision!"

A've jist finished readin sumhin that might be of intrest tae sum eh ye. Ye'll find it at;

That's it furr noo. See ye aw nixt week. Take kerr oot ther!

See ye ahmoarra!

First posted on SPDG 7 March 2004. A somewhat dickensian, but true, tale for christmas eve.

Top of the Page

Original postings on Scotlands People Discussion Group © 2003, 2004 Bob Wilson
Layout, editing and additional material © Dave Sloan 2005, 2012, 2016
'tachras' and 'Winding Yarn' © Dave Sloan 2005, 2012, 2016

tachras Home Page
Talk to tachras
Translate into English
Darwin's Mouse
The Annexe