The Patter : No minny Es

Eastirhoose
Easterhouse

Glasgow's shining example of dealing with the overpopulation and housing problems of the 1950s. They built this huge sprawling mass of modern tenements out in the middle of nowhere. No shops, schools or recreational facilites.
Thousands were moved out, like in the old western wagon trains (remember Ward Bond? Whitever happened tae him?), as the old east-end tenements were demolished behind them (or fell down of their own accord!).
It was a good idea but ill thought out. Other 'housing schemes' followed - all became modern day slums. Ah know, ah wiz ther!

eejit
person of little intelligence
"See im, eez a bliddy eejit!" "See this person. His ability to think rationally, is limited."

efter
after
"The polis urr efter im." "The police wish him to assist them with their enquiries."

efternin
afternoon

El Dee (LD)
Eldorado
A cheap wine once favoured by the street elite. Now largely overtaken by Buckfast Tonic Wine - (Made by monks at Buckfast Abbey - drank by "eejits" "idiots" in Gallowgate)

emdy
anybody
"Hiz emdy goat enough furr a boa'l ah LD urr Bucky?" "Has anybody got enough money to purchase a bottle of Eldorado or some Buckfast Tonic Wine?"
"Whit furr? Thers stull summy ah' Lanny left." "Why? There is still some Lanliq Fortified Wine remaining in this bottle."

err
there
"Is err emby in err?" "Is there anybody in there?"
"Naw!" "No!"
"Well whoos talkin' en?" "Well then, who is that talking?"
"Naebdy!" "Nobody!"

The Patter : Stacks eh Fs

faimly
family
"Ahm daein mah faimly tree." "I am researching my family tree"
"Whits a' en?" "What does that involve, then?"
"It's wher ye go back tae yer roots." "It is where you go back to your roots"
"Aw! Ye mean lik gerdnin an at?" "Ah! You mean, like, gardening and such?"

The Ferr
The Fair
Or more accurately - The Glesca Ferr. The annual holiday, usually the last two weeks in July. During the "Ferr Foartnight" "Glasgow Fair Fortnight" most of Glasgow would shut down and "Go doon the watter (as in batter)" "Go down the Clyde Estuary" ie. head for the seaside. On the Friday at the start of the holiday, "Ferr Friday" "The first Friday of the Glasgow Fair" , shops and works would close early and the pubs would fill up in the afternoon as guys offloaded their holiday pay. Drunkeness was considered a virtue. All of your Glasgow ancestors surely participated in the great "Glesca Ferrs" "Glasgow Fair Fortnights".

Wee Glesca wummin: "Wher urr ye gaun yer hoalidays Jessie?" "Where are you going for your holidays, Jessie?"
Another wee Glesca wummin: "Ach. Same iz evry year Be'y. Wir gaun doon eh watter tae Sollcoats. At's if we kin keep oor Jimmy oot eh pub ye know whit eez like. Wir plannin tae get eh train oan Ferr Friday." "Oh! The same as every year, Betty. We are going down the Clyde to Saltcoats. That is, if we can keep our James out of the pub. You know what he is like. We are planning to catch the train on Glasgow Fair Friday."
First Glesca wummin: "Aw yiv nae chance hen. Get Jimmy oot eh pub oan Ferr Friday? - ye migh' as well expect eh sun eh shine!" "Ah! The odds are completely against you, dear. Get James out of a pub on Glasgow Fair Friday? You might as well expect the sun to shine!" *

*It is a scientific fact that it always rains during the Glasgow Fair - particularly in Saltcoats. I know because I've been there as well!

fankle
tangle
"She wis in at' much eh a hurry that she goat urr knickers in a fankle." "She was in such a hurry. She managed to get her knickers in a twist."

feart
scared
Pal 1: "Ah'v goat a lumber wae Herry Merry oan Seturday night. Ah'm a bit feart." "I have a date with Hairy Mary on Saturday night. I am a little bit afraid."
Pal 2: "Herry Merry!! If ah wis you ah'd be bliddy terrified!" "Hairy Mary! If I were you, I would be absolutely terrified!"

filla
fellow
"How's eh big filla?" "How is your husband?"
"Eez awright, how's yer wee filla?" "He is fine. How is your little boy?"
"No bad, the doactir wis oot at im at eh weekend." "Not bad. The doctor came to visit him at the weekend."
"Whit doactir wis it?" "Which doctor was that?"
"Aw, it wis eh coloured filla." "Oh, it was the coloured fellow."
"Aw, is at' eh wee filla wae eh Indian accent?" "Ah! Was it the little fellow with the Indian accent?"
"Aye, at's eh filla!" "Yes! That is the fellow!" *

* Note that, at no time, do names exchange hands.

flerr
floor

flit
to move house
A "flitting" "house removal" is a house removal. A "Moonlit Flittin" "A nightime house removal -technically illegal in Scotland" involves moving out of your house (usually a tenement flat) under cover of darkness. This is usually prompted by unpaid rent or the polis closing in. "Whit happ'nd tae the McGlumphas?" "What happened to the McGlumpha family?"
"Aw, they done a moonlit. Ther livin doon the road at number 43 noo!" "Oh! They conducted a house removal without informing the Council Rent Office or the Hire Purchase collectors. They now reside at number 43!"

flyman
a cunning or devious person
"See im? Eez a real flyman. Sells em dodgy didgy watches doon eh Barras!" "That man is a cunning person. He sells those new digital watches down at the Barrows!"

footer
fiddly or a person who fiddles
Husband: "This is an awfy footry joab, ah hink ah'll get eh wife tae dae it." "This is an extremely fiddly task. I think that I will leave it to the wife."
Wife: "A heard at', ye lazy sod. Jist get oan wae the joab an stoap footrin!" "I heard that, you shiftless person. Just get on with the task and stop mucking about!"

furr
for
Joke: "Cat walks intae a Wild West pub an walks up tae the bar." "A cat walks into a Wild West saloon, and strolls up to the bar."
Barman asks "Whit dae ye want?" "What do you want?"
Cat says "Ah've come furr mah Paw!" "If you really need this translated ..."
[ "The auld wans urr a'ways eh best!" "The old ones are always the best!"]

f***
f***
Okay, noo thers nae avoidin this wan. It separates the true students fae the hingers oan. Glesca Patter, in its purest form, at its most colourful, features this word profusely. During highly dynamic conversations, especially in a pub, where world matters are being put to right, every second word will be f***! So, you students of The Patter The Patter be aware of this if you are unused to the word and are planning a wee field trip into the Glesca environment. I suggest you practice it, so you can 'blend' in with the natives. It can be as hard for some to get the word out, as it can be for some to keep it in. But it is a powerful word and can be used to great effect - it might even save your life! One "F*** Aff!" Go forth, and multiply! can be worth all the pleading, excuses and explanations in the world. A Glaswegian, armed with the Patter is what's needed in the United Nations if you ask me! It's a versatile word and nobody can say it better than a Glaswegian! Not even a "Fifer!" "The Editor!" ( "an ats sayin' sumhin!" "... and that is saying something!")

The Patter : Then thurs G

gallus
someone who is cocky or full of themselves
"See hur! She's pure dead gallus hur!" "See her! She is a cheeky bitch!"
Sometimes used in conjunction with the word besom (pronounced by us Garngadies as 'bizzom'). The Scottish TV presenter and writer Muriel Gray who's production company was/is called 'Gallus Besom' was once described as being a 'lively lass'. She retorted by saying "Every Scot knows that a gallus besom is a cheeky b***h!" *

* If any asterisks appear in this post - they're not mine!
...Yep! There they are! Protecting the faint, and pure of heart.

gemme
game
The G is pronouned as in Get.
"He's oan eez gemme." "He is playing well (at darts, football etc.)"
"She's oan the gemme." "She is working in Blythswood Square"

Uh! Oh! The squidgy eye's lookin at meh!

"He's oot the gemme."
  "He is 'non compus mentis', usually as a result of C₂H₅OH! (Alcohol)
 ^{(Latin and Chemistry, both in the same sentence - not too bad!)}
also
"Whit's the gemme?" "What is wrong? or What is happening?"
"Ah'ts the gemme!" "Well done!"

gauny
going to
"Gauny geeza bit eh yer pizza?" "Please may I have a slice of your pizza?"
"Naw away an buy yer ain!" "No! Away and buy your own!"

Of course, there's the famous "Gauny no dae ah't!" "Please stop doing that!"

geez/geeza
give me

geggie
mouth
"Shut yer geggie!" "Please stop talking!"

Gers
obscure Glasgow football team
[my son better not hear me say that!]

get
an undesirable person or rogue
"That wee get next door hiz jist peed up against the wa!" "That horrid little brat from next door has just demonstrated a lamentable lack of toilet training!"

ginger
any fizzy drink
Ask for a bottle of ginger anywhere else in the world and you'd expect to be presented with ginger beer or ginger ale, or something 'gingery'. But no in Glesca!
Be warned all visitors. Ginger in Glasgow means anything in a bottle that fizzies (unless it's domestos - then again there are some...!)
"Geeza boatle a ginger." "Give me a bottle of fizzy drink."
"Whit kind?" "Which variety?"
"Irn Bru." "Our other 'National Drink'."

glaikit
stupid, useless
"An dae ye know whit the glaikit sod thoat?" "Do you know what this foolish person thought?"
"Naw, but ah hink yer gauny tell meh." "No! But I presume that you will tell me."
"Eh thoat that when eh asked fur a boatle a ginger, that's whit wid be in the boatle!" "He thought that, if you asked for a bottle of 'ginger', that's what would be in the bottle!"
"Yer kiddin?" "You must be joking?"
"Naw ah'm no kiddin!" "No! I am not kidding!"
"Wiz eh fae Dundee like?" "Did he come from Dundee?"
"Ah hink eh wiz fae Mars!" "I reckon he must have come from Mars!"
"How? Dae Martians drink ginger?" "Why? Do Martians drink carbonated beverages?"
"Eh? You're as glaikit as him!" "Heavens. You are as stupid as he is!"

Glesga/Glesca
Glasgow

greet
cry, complain
When a couple of kids are arguing or crying together it is sometimes said that they're having a "greetin match" "mutual crying session".

"Whit urr ye greetin aboot?" "What are you crying about?"
"Ah drapped mah ginger." "I dropped my bottle of carbonated beverage."