Now I was getting worried, wiz as if ma close had a hex on it fur aw the dafties,surely tae god it canny get worse, ...well ah shouldnae hiv held ma breath, a week later,a team o "bovver boys" converged oan the vicinity. fronted by a tall young man, wae coal black herr and piercin eyes, he strode up the long path swaggerin and lookin roon aw the windaes as if tae sae AM here, be afraid, and believe you ah wiz, think there were five o them ,no sure noo as ah darted away fae the windae in fear. The rammy in the close wiz deafening. as they shouted , cursed and swore, wan tryin tae ootshine the other and banging doors in the empty hoose, wan boy came oot in the close wae a football and proceeded tae kick it aff the roof, ah wiz too scared to say anything so hid wance again behind the door. Shortly after they aw left making as much noise as they possibly could tae get a reaction.. A hoped they didnae like the hoose and hid visions of aw these bovver boys moving in the gether, and thote ,naw no again, my nerves couldnae take any merr... Later tha day , here comes Action Man again only this time wae a wee boy by the haun, a wean in a pram and a young wummin, ah took tae be his wife, so ah felt a bit mer relaxed that he hid a family and Hells Angels wurnae moving in..... Next thing ma door goes and the lassies stauning ther. "hello hen" I said and smiled, "She looked nervous and spoke in a loud voice, "Eh am the new tenant in this hoose here, whit like are the neebors?"..........Ah stuttered , " Well its no the quietest of closes but ah keep it clean as you kin see".. she glanced roon and said " aye it is a nice close, " so ah felt relieved that at least she looked clean..... "Ye see Mrs " she said " Were no the best for keeping the noise doon so dont want too quiet a close" Mammy Daddy ah thote naw it canny be. jist then some weans came running doon the sterrs making a rammy... she smiled and said, "Oh weans up the close, thats great". I dont know whit like ma face wiz,but must hiv been a picture.... "We re moving in as soon as we get the waws papered, maybe next week " the lassie said.... ah smiled and said cheerio tae the weans and they walked oot the close.......but for some reason ah took tae the lassie, she looked friendly , a wee bit loud, but ah liked her right off, .....him , well he wiz another kettle o fish... he wiz creepy and stared me up and doon. that ah dont like....... Wisnae long till the ladders,paint and bags of stuff arrived, ah thote well gie them a chance, they look clean which tae me wiz a big plus, they got tore in that night, bringing the boys wae the high Doc Martens oan, the hoose wiz buzzin wae punk music, ...ah shut over ma living room door and played snakes and ladders wae the weans hoping this time things might chinge..... A few weeks past efter they moved in, she hid her wee hoose nice, the carpet in the lobby wiz lovely and her door wiz aw polished , so big chinge fur me and the close,, only next thing she gets a wee dug, a lovely wee pup, fur the weans, no a problem until wan moarning ah hears the yelping in the close so opened ma door and there wiz the wee dug tethered wae a lead tae the door ,put oot to dae a jobby, ah near hid a fit... ah rattled oan her door, and she came aw harrassed and looked streesed, but gave me big smile that made me feel rotten and ah wanted tae run away, ..."listen hen ah keep this close spotless and ah canny hiv he dub jobbying ther" she grabbed the dug and said "uch ah wish ad never goat the bloody thing, it wiz him fur the weans, hes at work and am left tae take it oot, and no goat time"... "aye ano hen I said, but ah canny hiv this , am no cleaning dugs dirt every day, ah dont mind washin the close aw the time but am no cleaning dugs shit" She apologised and took the wee dug in shouting at it as if it wiz its fault..... It didnae take long fur the parties tae start... ad never seen a mer motley crew than the folk pouring oot of taxis at the close... next thing ma door goes, and its him, Action man.. aw dolled up with his raven black hair aw tooted up at the front..... " Wid ye like tae come in tae the party"......he asked.... Ah near died and muttered oot and excuse aboot no hivving a babysitter....."uch that diznae matter he said, shove them in bed and leave the door open and wan o us wull check noo and then if their awright" oh naw thannks a lot but naw ah said and tried tae shut the door, he shoved his big shiny boot ower the doorstep,,, " well if it comes tae a shove ye kin bring the weans tae" naw naw ah protested " they go doon tae bed early, but thanks anyway" and shut the door, .....my christ am ah gled ah never went in, it wiz bedlam... the punk music wiz blaring fur hours then the barny started, ah could hear the young wummin his wife screaming fur an ambulance so dived oot ma bed tae the noo well worn keyhole tae see whit wiz happenin, and as ah did the door flew open and their wiz Action man covered in blood laughin and dragging his cut erm doon the lobby waw leaving a big streak of blood, ah fell back in the lobby and felt sick.... ah could hear his wife still screaming, and other women causing commotion....Ah didnae hiv a phone and wiz too feart tae go ower tae a nice neebor who lived ower the street tae get the polis as ah wiz terrified... so jist hid tae wait and see whit wid happen next...... Sirens blasting alang the street , two ambulancemen rushed in and put a thing oan his erm to stem the blood,then heard Acton man tell them both to F off and that he wiznae goin tae any hospital, ... his wife wiz noo screamin and shouting at hime telling him he hid tae go , but naw, he flatly refused and the ambulancemen left... ah heard mer shouting and screaming then the wummin runs oot intae the close and announces shes throwing her engagement ring away in the gerdin.....ah shook ma heid in puzzlement, ah jist didnae get this couple , ur whit they were aboot.... ah went tae ma bed and tried tae sleep but could hear folk oot the front in ma gerdin, ah supposed looking fur her ring..... the next morning she came tae the door and asked me to help her look fur it, nae apologiies fur the noise , nothing, but by noo ah wiz getting used tae this kind of neebor and said ad help wance the weans got tae school, but ma gerdin wiz overgrown and ah mean overgrown, wiz the bane o ma life as it wiz so big and ah didnae hiv a mower or know anywan who hid wan..... Ah sort of pretended tae hiv a look with her but knew she d never find in it that maze,,, that seem to be aw that wiz worrying her , no her mans cut erm.....an dont even mind if ah asked her aboot it or no as wiz jist so fed up wae the whole lot of them..... Few weeks later this wee skinny man in his 60s comes tae ma door looking for the two o them, ah told the man that he wiz at work and his wife wiz roon at her mas......"Oh right all wait fur them " he said and sat in the step at the front of the close... An hour or so passed and back he comes tae ma door, " Any idea Mrs when they ll be back" he looked fidgetty and cauld.... "Naw , Im jist oan ma way oot te noo " ah said , in case he wanted in ma hoose tae sit....."ye see" he said " Im Wullies da Wee Wullie and am jist oot Bar L..." " BarL " ah said whits that?" "The jail hen Barlinnie, surely ye ve heard o it"......face a real picture noo...."Oh right ah said Ill let them know you were here if you want" Naw all hing oan he said, ah need tae see him, ave nae place tae stay...... ah shut the door grabbed the weans and ran tae ma ma s hoose tae tell her...she wiz gettin so used to ma daft neebors that she didane show much emotion, but came back ower wae me in case he wiz still ther...... Aye he wiz still sitting there like a wee garden gnome smokin a rollup... "hello" he shouted as if he d known me fur years, "whos this yer wee maw " he enquired, ah nodded aye... "oh shes jist aboot ma age and height, might get a burd, ye merrid mrs, hiv ye goat a man" ma wee ma wiz mer streetwise than me with wicked sense of humour and laughed at his question, which got me aw flustered and angry as ah thote it wiz letting him think we were as daft as them.... Action Man showed up fae his work and looked mad at the wee man crouched at the close ...ma we ma and me were keeking as usual at the windae... waiting fur Wullie , the big wans response tae Wee Wullie being let oot o Bar L, ah wiz tellin ma wee ma the street lingo fur Barlinnie, she fun it hilarious ahd didnae.....Big Wullie shouts "whit the f--k you dain here da?" ah surmised he wiznae very happy..... wee Wullie got aw stuttery and said "aw cmon Wullie ye canny see yer da oot in the streets...." Big Wullie told him tae get in the hoose but that he wiznae staying there with them..... ah didnae hear much tae the next day until ah spoke to the lassie......"Aye that wee wulllie jist oot Barlinne fur fraud, his wife Big Wullies ma disnae want him so hes comin tae live wae us fur a while, he says he ll watch the weans so ah kin get a joab as a cleaner.... ah hiv tae admit wee wullie wiz funny as hell and he stayed there fur a few months..... wan night big Wullies man wiz comin fur a visit and Wee Wullie goat planked in the wardrobe so she widnae see him... but she wiznae in long ah wiz telt later, and said to Big Wullie, "Where the f--k is that wee weasel, Wullie and his wife protested saying "who day ye mean ma" "HIM " she roared , " the wee weasel , ah know hes here cause he makes they artiifical floors in Barlinnie so ah know hes here" then proceeded to prowl roon the hoose , fun him in the big wardrobe and gave him a right tankin by all accounts then left...... Wee Wullie eventually wiz tossed oot and aw his worldy goods got threw oot the windae efter him.... he walked in wee fast steps and wiz shouting back "Wullie yer nothing but a poof and ye dye yer herr, ther ave telt aw the neebours eyr herrs rid and ye dye it black... yer nothing bit a bit jessie in bovver boots....." by this time ah wiz oan the flerr o ma living room rolling aroon laughing, it wiz so comical.... nolong after that the family did a flit ,ah heard they d broke up bit never seen the lassie again, but did see him wae a new burd and mer weans.... another one bites the dust fae ma close.....and am still ther....