Ah'd like tae hiv finished the tour ah Eastirhoose in eh traditional wae; A Pub Crawl. Bit thirz a wee proabem wae that. No enough pubs! Noo it's hard tae believe that, bit even nooadays ah kin only think a four pubs in Eastirhoose. It wis even worse in eh early days! Early Eastirhoose wiz virtually a 'dry' area. Tae unnerstaun eh impact eh this oan eh average workin [an drinkin] man, ye hiv tae realise thit auld Glesca wiz a city of pubs. Visitors wurr ayewaes amazed bae the fact thit oan virtually evry street coarner thir wis a public hoose. No oanly aht, in atween each coarner ther wiz anither two urr three, urr merr, dependin oan the length eh the tenement block! 'Havens of modest charm' maist eh thim, wae sawdust oan eh flerr an 'friendly shadows'. Even in eh 70s when maist eh the auld tenements hid come doon, the pubs oan eh coarners wurr stull left staunin! Honest! Nuthin tae either side eh thim an nuthin above thim. Whole tenement blocks wurr demolished leavin jist eh wee pubs sittin lik beer islands in a sea a wasteland. Sumbdy wance telt meh thit the reason furr this wiz some ancient bye law. Some edict passed bae King James the sumhin decreein thit Glesca pubs couldnae bae demoalisht! Dunno if thir wis any truth in aht, bit if thir is ah kin only assume thit King Jimmy hid an awfy taste furr a Glesca hauf n' hauf. Wae sa minny pubs it wis quite possible tae visit a large number in wan ootin, wae little 'travel' time in atween! This gave rise tae the Glesca tradition of 'The Pub Crawl'. Basically, a group of 'participants' enter a pub, hiv wan drink, move oan tae the nixt, hiv anither, move oan tae the nixt... ye get the idea! The oabjict is tae visit as minny pubs as possible [which could be quite a number!] afore the laws of toxicology, physics and gravity finally took thir toll an nae further movement was possible. The point is this, whin the masses moved oot tae Eastirhoose thir wurr nae pubs! Guys thit wurr used tae steppin oot the close right intae the pub an en gaun fae pub tae pub doon the length eh the street fun thimsells in a wee bit a trouble; Scene: 17:30 hours Ootside the C-oop in Duntarvie Road, Eastirhoose c.late 1950s Jimmy: 'Right, urr wae aw here? Shug: 'Aye!' Aw set. Shooie:'Aye!' Jimmy: 'Good lets get gaun, whers eh pub? Shug, you say ye know wher wan iz?' Shug: 'Aye, this wae.' 17:45. Coarner ah Aberdalgie Road an Easterhouse Rd. Jimmy: 'Urr you sure ye know wher yir gaun?' Shug: 'Aye! Ah think so, it's aroon here sumwher.' Shooie: [breathless]'Ah knew wae should've broat a kerry oot!' Jimmy: 'Look! Ther's some guys headin up aht wae, foaly thim!' 18:20. Ootside Co-op in Duntarvie Road. Jimmy: 'Yir awright Shooie, jist lie stull big man, eh ambulance u'll bae here in a minute. Shug's awae eh fun a phone!' Shooie: 'Aah! Eh better hurry up, eh pain's getting worse!' Jimmy: 'Trust you tae hiv a hert attack oan oor furst night oot!' Eh days eh the pub crawl wurr well an truly ower! If eh guys hid only known, eh nearest pubs wir in eh auld village eh Eastirhoose, an it wis a fair trek furr them thit wurr used tae hivvin pubs oan thir doostep. The two auld village pubs [ah hink wan wis called eh Brig Bar] wurr wee an pokey. Ah wis too young tae drink in em days bit ah remember staunin ootside an askin guys tae take emmty beer boatles in furr iz an redeem the money oan thim furr iz. Keekin in, thae wirr smokey holes, jam packed wae men, wae eh deafenin soon ah chatter, shoutin, laughin an chinkin ah glesses - ah couldnae wait tae grow up! Sometimes folk jist couldnae get in, the place wis aht crowdit. An if thae did it could bae a real rammy tae fight yir wae tae eh bar an oardir a drink! Further oan, in eh direction eh Baillieston, thir wis a third pub 'The Swinton'. This wis a bit bigger an merr modern as ah recall. Bit it wiz a helluva trek! An tae make maiters wurse it wiz uphill! An aht wis it! Yir choices wurr really limitit. Minny guys endit up soberer an fitter bae gaun tae the pub thin thae hid evir bin in thir lives! The only alternative wis tae get oan a bus an travel oot eh scheme. Drastic measures, bit that wis the wae eh it. 'The Steps' wis a hotel bar away oot oan the Embra Road aht eh fit eh Cranhill. It wisnae easy tae get tae. Then came the Dalriada in Carntyne. This bar wiz new, modern an HUGE. Wae it's 'drinkin man's bar' doonsterrs, nice lounge upsterrs, an a restaurant through the wa', it became a firm favuritt. A corporation bus [route 41] drapped ye aff itt the door eh the 'Dal' an wis ther furr ye tae faw oan tae at chuckin oot time. Ah remember mah Da tellin meh thit whin it furst oapint thae hid wee dishes eh nuts oan the tables in eh bar. But bae the time ah wiz drinkin in eh Dal the only nuts tae bae seen wurr some eh the clientele! Some suggested it's name be chinjed tae the 'Flyin Tumbler'! The ither hing aboot the Dal wis it wis right acroass froam wher, years later, ah wid work. Minny's the night a group eh iz wid finish a shift an walk ower tae the Dal furr 'a quick swally'. Needless tae say some eh these swallys lacked eh element ah quick! The Dal wiz great. If government powers hid bin merr oan eh ball thaed hiv realised it's potential an set up parliament in the Dal Bar! This wiz wher great decisions wurr made an wrongs wurr pit tae right. Bridges wurr built. Politics eh the day wurr resolved. Bridges wurr demolished. Fitbaw matches wurr relived bae the real 'experts'. World crisis wurr soartit oot in a hauf oor. Ye could learn anyhin ye wantit tae know [as long is ye payed furr yir roon!] Some hings ye wurr better aff no known bit ye fun it fascinatin aw the same. Lik the night 'The Camlachie Commando' gave us a blow bae blow accoont a how eh single handidly scaled a cliff durin WW2, took oot the enemy guard wae cheesewire, an went oan tae save eez men an the wurld. Great story, gied extra dimension bae eez practical demonstrations aht eh bar. The furst pub tae actually be built within Eastirhoose wis... wait furr it...'The Kasba' I kid you not! Noo, if yir brain is currently conjurin up pictures ah belly dancers, fez's an Turkish Delight; furget it. Needless tae say the Kasba wis nuthin like that. The nearest eh Kasba evir goat tae a belly dancer wis a Homer Simpson look alike who'd hid wan too minny an tried tae dance oan a table! The Kasba sat, aff the Lochend Road, at the edge eh some thick woodland. A path led through the woods up tae the rear eh the gruns (grounds) eh Gartloch Psychiatric Hospital. Pity the poor sowels that kim oot the bar at night an staggered left insteed ah right. They'd fine thimsells hackin thir wae through the woods tryin tae fine thur wae oot. Some eh thim, ahm sure, endit up comin oot the ither side, right intae the hauns eh the men in white coats, nevir tae bae seen again! I believe the Kasba is noo 'The Lochwood Inn.' Eventually, two ither pubs wurr built an exist tae this day as 'Griers' an 'The Centaur'. The former played host to mah faither an I durin the troublesome days of oor reationship as eh tried tae gie meh faitherly advice in mah plooky youth. [Advice ah noo fine mahsell tryin tae recycle an gie tae mah lads!] But, lik ah said, the days eh the pub crawl wurr ower whin folk moved tae Eastirhoose and ah hope ah've mibby gied yeez a wee flavour ah wan tae end this series. Easterhouse People. Wan April moarnin in 1977, ah nervously stepped intae a black limo ootside mah hoose in Boyndie Street [we'd moved ther in '63] an wiz driven oot the scheme tae mah weddin in Clydebank. Wae drove up Duntarvie Road, wher the school buses hid aw lined up aw thae years previous, past the shoaps thit took ower fae the vans, roon past the road end thit led tae the remainin village pub [the ither wan wis run ower bae the M8!] Past the big shoapin mall that noo sat oan the grun thit Frankie an eh rest eh iz watched aw the weapons getting thown in a pile. Bye aw the streets an closes wher ah used swoap coamics, doon tae the Embra Road and oot past eh Dal. Although I'd never live in the scheme again, my work as an ambulanceman meant that it would still be part of my patch for a few years to come. I knew the people well. I've delivered their weans, stopped their bleeding, splinted their limbs. I've laughed with them and shared in their distress. I've resuscitated a few and watched others pass on their way. I've helped the old dears up and down the stairs on their way to and from their clinics. To the people of Easterhouse I say thankyou and good luck. They're good people - Scotland's People.

CLOSING TIME It's late. The pub's empty. The barman, bored and clock-watching, wipes his damp cloth over the polished surface of the long wooden bar before he sets about washing glasses that he's just gathered from the tables. He welcomes the noise from the group of guys who've just appeared and settled themselves at the far end of the bar. One sitting on a barstool, the others prefering to stand. Wullie: 'Right whit urr yeez hivvin? John: 'Pinta lager furr meh.' Boab: 'Same ere.' Andy: 'Ah'll jist hiv a coke.' Barman: 'Whit kin ah get ye lads?' Wullie: 'Three ah lager an a coke furr eh wean.' Andy: 'Less eh the wean!' Barman: 'Ice in eh coke?' Andy: 'Aye!' Wullie: 'Ye better pit a cherry in it furr im as well!' John: 'An four packits ah crisps. Any kine, jist mix im up.' The barman starts pulling pints. Andy: 'So, wher's eh big fella en?' Wullie: 'Och eh'll bae alang in a wee while, ye know whit eez like. Be late furr eez ain funeral aht wan.' John: 'Eh better no bae too late, it's gettin near closin.' Wullie: 'Eh'll bae here.' The drinks arrive and money changes hands. Wullie: [to the barman] 'Quiet in ere eh night izzit no?' Barman: 'Aye. It wiz busier earlier oan bit it's deid noo. Ah'll bae gled tae get finisht.' He heads down the far side of the bar and gets started with washing the glasses. Boab: [raising his glass in the air] 'So, ere's tae us en! Joab completit. Well done lads!' All: 'Aye! Cheers.' They all drink. Andy: 'Ah'll tell ye, ah really didnae hink wae'd finish it, did yooze?' Wullie: 'Well, ah alwaes thoat wae wid. Aht nummer seven wiz eh only time ah thoat waed blawn it!' John: [nodding] 'Hmm. Aht goat a bit oot a haun right ehnuff.' Wullie: 'Bit appert fae aht, it seemed tae go okay.' Boab: 'Whit wid ye say wiz eh best bit?' Everyone thinks for a moment, taking long swallows from their glasses to help the process. Wullie: 'Ah stull laugh whin ah hink ah thoan guy Jimmy an eh Registrar. Eh bit wher eh describes eh scene in eh dennist stull hiz meh in stitches!' Boab: 'Aye, an eh wummin's name, whit wiz it again?' Wullie: 'Ina State!' Boab 'Aye, aht's it, Ina State.' The barman looks up, startled at the sudden burst of laughter from that end of the bar. Andy: 'An yon poem, eh wan aboot eh ghosts in eh Garngad.' John: 'Aw aye! Eh Tam eh Chancer wan! Ahm no sure ah goat eh end eh it though.' Andy: 'Aw furr cryin oot lood... Yooz guys explain it tae im while ah get in anither roon... [signalling to the barman] Same again ower ere mate! Andy: [looking at his watch] 'Ye sure eh big fella's comin?' John: 'Aw who kerrs! If eh comes eh comes.' Boab: 'Mah favritt wiz eh Model.' Wullie: 'It wiz a bit dour though wiz it no?' Boab: 'Ah s'pose it wiz, bit it kinna balanced eh humour a wee bit.' Wullie: Ah s'pose so.' Boab: 'An people seemed tae get eh message.' Andy: 'Ah wish some eh the ithers hid goat eh message.' Boab: 'Och aye, thir wir some thit wurr jist...' John: 'Blue Meanies! That's whit some wurr like. Nearly spoilt it furr evrybiddy!' Wullie: 'Okay! Okay! Let's no stert aw aht again. Izzat a packit a smokey bacin, kin ah hiv aht wan?' Boab: 'Rememmir eh wan aboot eh Barras? Eh bit aboot eh diji watch an eh battery?' Andy: 'Aye, ye kin jist imagin sum eejit buyin sumhin lik aht.' John: 'Ah wiz doon eh Barras last week. It's aw chinjed, no eh same iz it used tae be. Eh snake ile man's away noo ye know!' Wullie: 'Och heez bin gaun furr years. Mah mammy wance tried eez snake ile.' Andy: 'Did it wurk?' Wullie: 'Oh aye. She kept eh mice doon efter aht, ah kin tell ye! Bit she finally shed urr skin an left!' More raucous laughter and another round of drinks. Wullie: 'Talkin ah snake ile, eh Glesca Remedies went doon well ah thoat.' John: 'Ah liked eh Jeely Piece song. Ah't went doon well tae.' Andy: 'A fish supper wid go doon well eh noo!' Boab: 'Mine eh stooshie wae eh apostriffys an eh astrisks?' Wullie: 'No hauf! Aht wan went oan furr ages.' Boab: 'An eh escape plan tae central america. Whit happint tae aht?' Andy: 'It fell through dintitt!' John: 'Wurst bit furr me wiz whin wae wirr aw in eh trenches.' All: [nodding] 'Aye!' Glasses are drained and placed on the bar. Wullie: 'Who's oan eh bell?' Boab: [fumbling inside his jacket] 'Ah'll get eez.' He brings out on to the bar a packet of tobacco, some rollup papers, a tattered paperback book and, finally... an old brown leather wallet. Wullie: 'Ye hid tae dig deep furr aht son! It jist didnae want tae come oot did it?' John: [laughing]'Last time aht wallet seen eh light ah day, Victoria wiz oan eh throne!' Andy: 'Urr pictchir eh'll bae blinkin in eh light whin ye haun ower eh money.' All: [laughter] Another round appears. John: 'Who's idea wiz it tae dae eh wee coak sparra?' Wullie: 'Mine!' Boab: 'Mine!' Andy: 'Mine!' John: 'Soarry ah asked! Ye know it wiz years since ah hid heard aht. Aul... whit's eez nem... used tae dae it evry hogmanay.' Wullie: 'Chic Murray. Aht's who it wiz,' John: 'Naw it wiznae. It wiz aht ither wan, ye know eh wan ah mean...' Andy: 'Aye, ah know eh wan ye mean... eh wan thit played Francie oot ah Francie n' Josie!' Boab: 'Naw, you're hinkin eh Rikki Fulton.' They fall silent for a moment. Wullie: 'Here's tae Rikki, may eez humour live oan!' All: 'Cheers!' Wullie: 'So who did dae eh sparra song en?' John: 'It's oan eh tip eh mah tongue..." Andy: 'Duncan MacCrae!' All: 'Aye! Aht's who it wiz!' Boab: [getting maudlin through drink] New Year jist isnae eh same withoot im!' Wullie: [changing the subject and lifting the old paperback off the bar] 'Whit's eh book?' Boab: 'Good story.' Andy: [taking a look at the cover] Aw aye! Ah saw eh film eh aht. It's aw aboot apes n' spacemen innat. Ah didnae unnerstaun it!' The barman sounds a bell behind the bar and they hear his shout of 'Last orders!' His words are also heard by the man who's just entered the pub and walks over to the bar. Barman: 'Good timin mate. Whit kin ah get ye?' Man: 'A large Glenmorangie.' Barman: 'Ice?' Man: 'Naw, jist iz it comes.' The glass is filled with golden liquid from a bottle on the gantry and placed on the bar. Man: [sipping the malt and relishing it's warmth as it goes down.] 'Quiet eh night.' Barman: [glass cloth over his shoulder as he collects empty glasses from the bartop.] 'Yep. Sure is. Funny... ther wiz a bunch a guys here jist a secind ago, but they jist seemed tae... 'vanish' as you kim in!' Man: 'Zatright?' Barman: [looking around] 'Aye! Strange. Jist disappeart thae did!' Man: [drinking his whisky] 'Spirits?' Barman: [laughing as he wipes the bar] Naw, eh only spirits in iss place urr in aht gless yir drinkin fae!' [he sees the paperback lying on the bartop] 'Wan eh thim left eez book.' Man: 'Kin ah hiv it?' Barman: [shrugging] Sure! [examining the cover] It's no mah kinna story. Merr a western man massell.' He carries the glasses down to the sink and starts washing them. The man opens the book at the Foreword; "Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living. Since the dawn of time, roughly a hundred billion human beings have walked planet Earth." He flicks to the last page; "...he was not quite sure what to do next. But he would think of something." He smiles and slips the book into his inside pocket. He drains his glass, pensively examining it's emptiness for a moment before placing it down on the bar. He turns and gestures to the barman. 'Awehbesstaeyemate!' Barman: 'Aye cheers!' With that, Moonwatcher turns and walks out into the darkness of the Glasgow night. --- END---