E-F this week. No minny 'Es' buh stacks a 'Fs'.

Easterhoos
Easterhouse.
Glasgow's shining example of dealing with the overpopulation and housing problems of the 1950s. They built this huge sprawling mass of modern tenements out in the middle of nowhere. No shops, schools or recreational facilites. Thousands were moved out, like in the old western wagon trains (remember Ward Bond? Whitever happened tae him?), as the old east-end tenements were demolished behind them (or fell down of their own accord!) It was a good idea but ill thought out. Other 'housing schemes' followed - all became modern day slums. Ah know, ah wiz ther!

eejit
A person of little intelligence.
'See im, eez a bliddy eejit!'

efter
After.
'The polis urr efter im'. The police wish him to help them in their enquiries.

Efternin
Afternoon

El Dee (LD)
Elderado.
A cheap wine once favoured by the street elite. Now largely overtaken by Buckfast (made by monks at Buckfast Abbey - drank by eejits in Gallowgate)

emdy
Anybody.
'Hiz emdy goat enough furr a boa'l (boattle) (bottle) ah LD urr Bucky?' 'Whit furr? Thers stull summy ah' Lanny (Lanliq, another cheap fortified wine) left.'

err
There.
'Is err emby in err?' 'Naw!' 'Well whoos talkin' en?' 'Naebdy!'

F

faimly
Family.
'Ahm daein mah faimly tree.' 'Whits a' en?' 'It's wher ye go back tae yer roots.' 'Aw! Ye mean lik gerdnin (gardening) an at?'

The Ferr
The Fair.
Or more accurately - The Glesca Ferr. The annual holiday, usually the last two weeks in July. During the 'Ferr Foartnight' most of Glasgow would shut down and 'go doon the watter (as in batter)' ie. head for the seaside. On the Friday at the start of the holiday, 'Ferr Friday', shops and works would close early and the pubs would fill up in the afternoon as guys offloaded their holiday pay. Drunkeness was considered a virtue. All of your Glasgow ancestors surely participated in the great 'Glesca Ferrs'.

Wan wee Glesca wummin: 'Wher urr ye gaun yer hoalidays Jesse?' Another wee Gw: 'Ach. Same iz evry year Be'y (Betty). Wir gaun doon eh watter tae Sollcoats (Saltcoats). At's if we kin keep oor Jimmy oot eh pub ye know whit eez like. Wir plannin tae get eh train oan Ferr Friday.' First Gw: 'Aw yiv nae chance hen. Get Jimmy oot eh pub oan Ferr Friday - ye migh' as well expect eh sun eh shine!'* *It is a scientific fact that it always rains during the Glasgow Fair - particularly in Saltcoats. Ah know cos ah'v bin ther as well!

fankle
Tangle.
'She wis in at' much eh a hurry that she goat urr knickers in a fankle.'

feart
Scared.
Pal 1:'Ah'v goat a lumber (date) wae Herry Merry (Hairy Mary) oan Seturday night, ahm a bit feart.' Pal 2: 'Herry Merry!! If ah wis you ah'd be bliddy terrified!'

filla
Fellow.
'How's eh big filla?' 'Eez awright, how's yer wee filla?' 'No bad, the doactir (doctor) wis oot at im at eh weekend.' 'Whit doactir wis it'?' 'Aw it wis eh coloured filla.' 'Aw, is at' eh wee filla wae eh indian accent?' 'Aye, at's eh filla!"* * Note that at no time do names exchange hands.

flerr
Floor.

flit
To move house.
A 'Flittin' is a house removal. A 'Moonlit Flittin' involves moving out of your house (usually a tenement flat) under cover of darkness. This is usually prompted by unpaid rent or the polis closing in. 'Whit happ'nd tae the McGlumphas?' 'Aw they done a moonlit. Ther livin doon the road at number 43 noo!'

flyman
A cunning, devious person.
'See im? Eez a real flyman. Sells em dodgy didgy watches doon eh Barras!'

footer
Fiddly, a person who fiddles.
Husband: 'This is an awfy footry joab, ah hink ah'll get eh wife tae dae it.' Wife: 'A heard at' ye lazy sod. Jist get oan wae the joab an stoap footrin!'

furr
For.
Joke: Cat walks intae a wild west pub an walks up tae the bar. Barman asks 'Whit dae ye want?' Cat says 'Ah've come furr mah Paw!' vg [The auld wans urr a'ways eh best!]

f***
F***.
Okay, noo thers nae avoidin this wan. It separates the true students fae the hingers oan. Glesca Patter, in its purest form, at its most colourful, features this word profusely. During highly dynamic conversations, especially in a pub, where world matters are being put to right, every second word will be f***! So, you students of The Patter be aware of this if you are unused to the word and are planning a wee field trip into the Glesca environment. I suggest you practice it, so you can 'blend' in with the natives. It can be as hard for some to get the word out, as it can be for some to keep it in. But it is a powerful word and can be used to great effect - it might even save your life! One 'F*** Aff!' can be worth all the pleading, excuses and explanations in the world. A Glaswegian, armed with the Patter is what's needed in the United Nations if you ask me! It's a versatile word and nobody can say it better than a Glaswegian! No even a Fifer! (an ats sayin' sumhin!)

Glossary A-Z :G

Gallus
A descriptive term describing someone who is cocky, full of themselves and flashy.
"See hur! She's pure dead gallus hur!" Sometimes used in conjunction with the word besom (pronounced by us Garngadies as 'bizzom'). The Scottish TV presenter and writer Muriel Gray who's production company was/is called 'Gallus Besom' was once described as being a 'lively lass'. She retorted by saying "Every Scot knows that a gallus besom is a cheeky b***h!" [If any asterisks appear in this post - there no mine! ...Yep! There they are! Protecting the faint and pure of heart.] http://claymore.wisemagic.com/scotradiance/flotsam/flotsam9809.htm

gemme
Game
The G is pronouned as in Get. "He's oan eez gem". (He's playing well eg. darts, football etc. "She's oan the gem." (She's working in Blythswood Square). [Uh! Oh! The squidgy eye's lookin at meh!] "He's oot the gemme." (He's non compus mentus, usually as a result of C2H5OH)*. Also, "Whit's the gem?" (What's wrong or what's happening?) "Ah'ts the gemme!" (Well done!). * Latin and Chemistry baith in the same sentence - no bad eh!

gauny
Going to.
"Gauny geeza bit eh yer pizza?" "Naw away an buy yer ain!" Of course there's the famous "Gauny no dae ah't!" (Please stop doing that)

geez/geeza
Give me.

geggie
Mouth.
"Shut yer geggie". (Please stop talking).

Gers
Obscure Glasgow football team.
[my son better not hear me say that!]

get
apart from in it's normal 'english' context, get can mean an undesirable person or rogue.
"That wee get next door hiz jist peed up against the wa!"

ginger
Any fizzy drink.
Ask for a bottle of ginger anywhere else in the world and you'd expect to be presented with ginger beer or ginger ale, or something 'gingery'. But no in Glesca! Be warned all visitors. Ginger in Glasgow means anything in a bottle that fizzies (unless it's domestos - then again there are some...!) So, "Geeza boatle a ginger" "Whit kind?" "Irn Bru."

glaikit
Stupid, useless.
"An dae ye know whit the glaikit sod thoat (thought)?" "Naw, but ah hink yer gauny tell meh" "Eh thoat that when eh asked fur a boatle a ginger, that's whit wid be in the boatle!" "Yer kiddin?" "Naw ah'm no kiddin!" "Wiz eh fae Dundee like?" "Ah hink eh wiz fae Mars!" "How, dae martians drink ginger?" "Eh? You're as glaikit as him!"

Glesga/Glesga
Glasgow

greet
Cry. Complain.
When a couple of kids are arguing or crying together it is sometimes said that they're having a 'greetin match'.

This reminds me of the Scottish Comedian Rikki Fulton (best known for Glasgow's Supercop character), who sadly left us last week. As one who can remember 'Francie and Josie' away back in 19.... [wher's the censorship when ye really need it?]. My fondest memory of him was his potrayal of a Glasgow down and out on a TV advert for an off sales, [Agnews - now long gone so ah surely cannae be accused of advertisin!] bemoamin the long series of misfortunes in his life. He tells us at the end of his lengthy speel that he managed to get a nice bottle of whisky from the shop at a very good knock down price but, and he's in tears by this time, as he left the shop "It fell oot mah poakit an smashed oan the pavement!" The camera pulls back and reveals him standing, greetin, outside the shop doorway with a tray loaded with heather. Still greetin, he shouts "Heather! Lucky white heather, buy yer lucky white heather..." Maybe you had see it for yourself but it had me in stitches every time it was on.

Orra best Rikki.

An orraverybest to all those who've supported me. See yeez aw next week if the 'eye' disnae get me.

Seeya ammorra